Blanketed in snow

As I sit here to write, I am watching the snow. For those of you who have attended the New Moon Hoop, I have referred to the position of the North, and being blanketed in snow. Well, I believe this year we have thoroughly been blanketed by snow. I use this analogy to create the visualization of a blanket around us and Mother Earth; one that is pure, soft, encompassing, and comforting. During this time of year nature creates the environment that keeps us inside, which in turn creates the atmosphere of settling down, nesting, resting… going within. This is all keeping within rhythm of the natural cycles that are necessary for our health.

 Late last night I saw a local news reporter interview a man who was staying at a local coffee-house and bookstore until they closed. He said he wanted to be out with people for as long as he could before he became isolated and stuck inside alone. I can remember a time when I, too, wasn’t comfortable or happy being alone.

 When I compare then to now, I look at what has changed in me to bring me to the place where I look forward to being alone. Where the idea of being isolated for a little while is desirous. So what has changed? For me, maturity and growth has brought about a comfort with myself. Awareness brought being able to enjoy this moment, without focusing on, or wishing for, something else. I am able to be ‘at home, watching the snow, enjoying the freedom of some time to do what I want, when I want.’ And in cultivating my life to be what I truly enjoy and want, I have created just that! I have learned about myself, my likes, what I enjoy. I’ve tuned into what brings me enjoyment and pleasure. And I seek out what I still want to do or learn.

I know there are many ways to self-discovery. I think that every little step you take towards knowing yourself better is a very good stride towards sincere inner-happiness. Whether it be for days you’re isolated due to snow, or for the even grander vision of your overall happiness and well-being.

An Open Chair

Today I received a package in the mail, totally by surprise. Inside is An Open Chair (www.anopenchair.com). It is a lovely little purple box with a small white chair inside. Written on the chair is “Be still and know”.

A couple of years ago, one day I was working at the store in Solomons when a woman came in with her family. She and I struck up a conversation, and instantly felt a comfort with each other -  kindred souls. She shared her dream with me, and I still remember the light that shined in her eyes as she talked about the details of this idea. I was quite moved by the concept to the point of having goose bumps on my arms.

As time passed by Allison came into the store again, this time with a prototype of her idea. This time we met, she was excited about the logistics of making her vision a reality. I know how those feelings transforms. When I first started thinking about opening the store was quite different from the feelings felt while making a business plan, reading and filling out legal forms, and the research that goes into making your desire into a reality that you can see, feel, touch, and hold. The whole process is exciting, not to mention educating. And to see this new friend of mine go through her journey of creating her dream was very endearing. But it does not compare to how proud of her I felt when she emailed me with she debut her new website.

Well, this Chair has been inspiring many people for a couple of years now. Seeing the finished product is… well just beautiful. The whole story is very inspirational, humbling, and thought-provoking. I hope you visit her sight to read about An Open Chair, and see what a dream can become.

As for my Chair, I know exactly where I’ll put it. A sacred little area that I’ve created, so I have someplace to go to that is special. Where I go to for prayer, meditation, and solace. My Chair will right at home there. Thank you Allison! (www.anopenchair.com)

December Greetings

We have just celebrated December’s New Moon, the Winter Solstice/Yule, Hanukkah, and are on our way to Christmas and others. Many regions, cultures and religions have various versions of celebration for this time of year. I find it very interesting to look at these to see what it is in life that is being celebrated. Did you know that December 8th is Bodhi Day, Day of Enlightenment, celebrating the day that the historical Buddha (Shakyamuni or Siddhartha Gautama) experienced enlightenment (also known as Bodhi). Interesting…

Christmas has always been magical, always been special, and always beautiful to me. I remember being a pre-teen and my girlfriends mother stating she hated Christmas and always got depressed during the holidays. I was taken aback by her declaration, not knowing that these feelings could even be possible. I have never forgotten that, and I always think of her during the holidays and send a little wish that she find some relief from that burden each December.

When Santa would come to our house, there wouldn’t be any presents under the tree until Christmas morning, when we’d wake up and YES! Santa did come to our house!  But as I got older, my parents explained the whole deal about Santa, so then we got wrapped presents that would sit under the tree before Christmas, tempting us with the possibilities of what was inside.

Through all the changes that naturally occur through the years, I still believe in the enchantment of the holidays. I value the spiritual and religious  reasons behind Christmas, and though I do not celebrate other religion’s holiday’s I do appreciate their contributions to the season.

I would like to take this opportunity to extend my wishes to you. I wish you: peace of mind, prosperity through the year, happiness that multiplies, health for you and yours, fun around every corner, energy to chase your dreams, and  magic and joy to fill your holidays!  Namaste ~ Xina

Thanksgiving

Last night while watching So You Think You Can Dance, one of the “judges” talked about Thanksgiving  in a way I hadn’t quite thought of  before. He commented that Thanksgiving is not a holiday celebrated by “Brits”, but it’s one he really likes. The essence of the day is about bringing families together.

In school we all learned about the origination of this holiday. And more recently, we’re embraced the day with a sense of appreciation, and of musing all that we are thankfulness for. Any time we reflect and put our thoughts in gratitude is a very positive and healthy thing to do. However, now adding the awareness of bringing “families” together. Yes!  Coming together, mindfully and with intent of celebrating being together. I think there is great benefits in this too!

Whether your “family” is directly DNA relations or friends is immaterial, it is recognizing the importance of  that person or those people to you, in your life.  All the time and energy put into the preparation of the day, the efforts put into traveling to be with those you love, all coming together in celebration and in appreciation. 

Ah, but what about all the stress and hassles that can be associated with the day? The long lines at the grocery store, and the heavy traffic… being with some people who you may not really like.. or not being with the “family” you’d really rather be with. All this, and sometimes more, can be a real part of this “joyful” day, and how do we come back to genuinely feeling thankful?

I think the first thing we would need to do, is to decide to be grateful. In making that commitment we give up the struggle with the other wishes or desired outcome. We cannot say that we’re ok with the decision, and then pout because it’s not what we really want.  Becoming aware of your feelings and thoughts, making the decision to embrace the day (person, etc.) with awareness, acceptance, and thanks you realize you have the power to make this day honestly one of thankfulness. And remember, your energy has a ripple effect on  everyone you’re around. So bringing a more accepting, and joyful energy to your surroundings you will affect and directly influence the energy of the day. This is your day to celebrate too, make it one you want to be a part of!

As for me, today I will spend the day with just a few of my family members. I will uphold my little traditions I have created over the years that I’ve come to cherish as part of this day. I have been reflecting on each of my relatives with love and gratitude, as well as my friends with complete sincerity of this day. 

Wishing you a very blessed and beautiful day filled with your own celebrations!

Time

It is hard to believe that we are in November already. It sounds like small talk, but seriously where does time go? The thoughts I originally had to write you are being replaced, as I realize I need to talk about time and our use of it. It occurs to me that I’ve been re-arranging my priorities according to what it seems Spirit has in store for me. The other day I was talking to Michele (of Inner Equinox) and ended up really expressing my true feelings. This is the beauty of having someone to talk to that is unbiased and has an open heart and ears to listen with. As I was expressing my feelings, I was able to sort out my thoughts better. I finally acknowledged something I knew; a repeated notion that I wasn’t paying attention to.

Shari (also from EQ) recently posted this quote by Joseph Campbell  ”We must be willing to relinquish the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”  She followed up with “”Believe there is a great power silently working all things for good, behave yourself and never mind the rest.” by Beatrix Potter.

These really related to what I came about expressing and talking about with Michele. I was feeling very frustrated and even angry that every time I seemed to move my life in the (spiritual) direction I wanted, Life would present obstacles to move me in a different direction.  When I would examine the different obstacles and situations, I would find that I was still doing the work I wanted to be doing – BUT in a different context that what I envisioned. Time and again, each major frustration for me was this very same scenario. And each time I was struggling to stay on the path that I set out to live instead of “relinquish{ing} the life {I’d} planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for {me}”

I still struggle, but it’s less and less as time goes on. And I accept more and more.  Funny, I started out talking about how time is going by so fast, and yet at times it seems like time is stuck in situations that just wont let me have my way! I love how Life and Nature keep gently teaching us and guiding us, so long as we will listen.

Never Say Never

I really need to listen to myself! I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve said, “I’ll never say ‘never’, again!”

I worked in this one company for about 15-years. I had a two-hour daily commute, on top of a management position. I did take advantage of the opportunities offered in a larger company by working in different departments for the various experiences. Towards the end of my employment there was when I found new teachers and mentors on my personal path. I was building up momentum in manifesting what I wanted in my life. I remember walking along the road beside the Atlantic ocean in Gloucester, MA thinking “I want to own my own store in a beautiful area by the water”. And a little over a year later I made that wish come true.

I remember saying to my friends, and acquaintances in the store, that ‘I would never work in corporate america again!’ I wasn’t saying that I wouldn’t work anywhere else but the store, but rather I didn’t want to be involved in big business politics and schemes.

No matter how or when we say we’ll never do something again, I think we should look at the dynamics of what we’re trying to reject in that comment or situation. Of course there may be the obvious survival reaction, such as I’ll never touch a hot burner again”; and that is not what I’m referring to. To use my example already stated, I was very tired of the wear and tear of the long commute, and from the drama and dynamics of working at a company who had recently merged with another and was getting ready to move even farther away from where I lived.

This morning as I sat reflecting on different issues and decisions I currently have in my life, I found that little thought came up again… I’ll never….  which is what has brought about this musing. There are things that come up and challenge us and our convictions throughout our years here on earth. And in revisiting my declarations of never’s, I find that I did choose to accept a job with a very big company.  In looking at working for a big company again, and comparing it to how I felt a few years ago when I affirmed that I would never work for corporate america. Having recuperated from the commute, from working in that environment, and being in business for myself, I’ve come to a different position. And I am good with my decision. I don’t feel I’ve compromised my feelings, convictions, or beliefs. I just feel that I am at a new place on my journey through life, and I think this new job will be good. Wish me luck!

When time offers us some distance and separation from the original situation, we can learn a lot if we’re thoughtful enough to revisit and evaluate what we said and why we said it.  Namaste~

Putting my beliefs in action

Life gives us a lot of opportunities, and recently I’ve been given the opportunity to “practice what I preach”. I’ve been studying metaphysical and holistic techniques for dealing with stress as well as various therapy concepts using color, sound, among other practices for many years now. At the end of September my husband and I found ourselves in the middle of a true “hardship”. As with many adversities it is far-reaching, multi-layered, and and quite invasive to our whole life.  I cried for days, especially as different realizations became apparent. Going to different agencies and institutions for various reasons including help, made me tell my story repeatedly. I didn’t think it would be possible to ever talk about it without different emotions overtaking me. Besides the pain and fear I obviously felt, stress became a prominent force in my body.

Digressing for a moment if I may, to tell my of my journey to where I am now. Around the time my son was born, 24 years ago, I discovered a book by Shirley MacLaine called Out on a Limb that opened my mind. For many years I read on various concepts, ideals, religions, etc. and I even met people along the way that would share their knowledge and wisdom with me and opened my mind even more. But it wasn’t until the very beginning of 2000 that I became physically sick that propelled me to actively seek out ways to truly improve my well-being – not just my physical health, but all of me. During the time I was sick I suffered from anxiety attacks and major stress. Unknowingly, in regaining my sense of self and in taking back control of my own power, I eliminated the anxiety and pretty much all of the stress at that time.

So recently, when I found myself in a situation that I felt I had no control in, along with facing all the problems, those old feeling of anxiety and panic returned. The key difference this time that made the difference between ending up in the hospital in the middle of the night as I had repeatedly done before and totally stopping it, was that I recognized it quickly. I don’t care if you call it recognition, awareness, being in the moment, or anything else, what it amounts to is facing up to the stress. I know all the things stress does to my body, and stress knows all my “weak” areas to instantly go to. But this time, I didn’t allow it. I didn’t allow stress to take over, I didn’t allow myself to become helpless to it. How did I do that? By breathing. I have taught people the key is in breath awareness, and I’ve never been more sure of that then now.

In child-birthing preparation, you’re taught various breathing techniques for the different stages of delivery.  Why then, don’t we use breathing techniques to get through other times of difficulty or pain? It does work. As soon as I realized my chest had gotten tight, my neck and back knotting up, the deep worry, I stopped and took slow deep breaths. I made sure to be more conscious of my breathing to keep it deeper and more relaxed, and then I incorporated my spiritual beliefs and practices.  I intentionally interrupted the physical reactions of stress by deliberately making my body be in a relaxed state by way of breath. Than I gained strength and support through my beliefs. I reached out to friends, to the Universe and God, and rooted myself back into the very things that have meaning and value to me. There are always many things to be grateful for, you are going to see what you choose to see.  I guess I could say I also put the whole picture in perspective.

Yes, the problem is still there. Yes, there is still a lot of work to be done on all that. I will take one step at a time. I will rest and breath when I need to. I will deal with this from a sense of support and trust from All, and not from fear anymore. And I will still be very appreciative for my many blessings.

The Unbelievable

I have removed this post because someone very important and dear to me has asked me to remove it. I apologize for the confusion, but please feel free to contact me with any questions.

Looking back on the summer of 2009

September is definitely a month where change is the key word. Our seasons are changing into autumn; nature’s landscape will start changing its color, our days are shortening in length, while our evenings are growing longer. In reflecting back on this summer, wanting to enjoy and highlight some memories for myself, what I will think of are the foxes that came around this summer. I’ve lived in my house for over 11 years now, and I’ve only seen a fox one other time. This summer they have graced me with their presence, and also a little lesson on the side.

At first I was quite alarmed when I saw this fox scooting about around my yard and the fields around me, at all times during the day. Everyone warned me about the possibility of rabies and other equally scary diseases, especially with regards to my dog. Another contributing factor to my growing alarm, was that I was the only one around here that would see, or hear, this fox. Finally, a wise friend of mine easily informed me that if the fox was not showing signs of being diseased (which it didn’t), then it very likely was a mother hunting for her babies. That suggestion helped relieve my growing concern about sharing “my space” with this wild animal.

I fully realized that my anxiety about this fox was completely due to my lack of knowledge about the animal and its habits. Thoughts rolling, as they do, lead me to ponder how many terrible and tragic decisions are made based on the very fact of fear or ignorance. This is not a new idea or realization, rather bringing this concept up to be revisited.

I can see the message this mother fox was bringing me. When I first started seeing her around (and hearing her bark and growl in the fields), I wondered how to capture her and relocate her somewhere else. Why? Because I was afraid of what she might do to us. But what would the implications of that act have been? Devastating to her kits to say the least. Thankfully I moved myself past the fear and into learning more about foxes, and understood that this fox didn’t want to disturb me any more than I wanted it to come around me.

I was even able to apply this to my son. Recently his apartment was broken into, and all of his recording equipment and computers were stolen. As I posted in my last blog, one thing I recommended to my son was not to make any decisions right now, and definitely not to make any decisions from an emotional point of view.

So, in thinking about the summer of 2009, I will be mindful of my actions, remembering not to react but to become informed to make better choices. And yes, it has been a mother fox here. Just last week I was blessed to see her teaching one of her young to hunt. They don’t want anything to do with me; they’re just trying to survive. And my son, well – his healing will take a little while. And these are life’s lessons too. For him, he’s been violated, and forced into completely changing his career path (for the time being). And for me, the mother, learning how to still be there for him, and help him through this process.

Yes, this is a time of change.

How do I help?

Last week my son called me and told me that his apartment had been broken into. All of his computers and recording equipment were stolen. This was his sole means of making money, as well as his entertainment and fun. To say he was upset is a huge understatement. We didn’t talk long, which didn’t matter because I seriously was speechless. After we got off the phone, I cried. I felt like I had really let him down. I didn’t have any answers, solutions, or fixes for him. I kept asking, ‘what am I suppose to do?, and how can I help?’

I realized that there was something I could do, and that was to help him move through and past this ordeal. If he was angry (which of course he was), he needed to think about that anger and feel it. Fully experience it, and then let it go. If he was depressed (which of course he was), he needed to think about the depression. Notice any thoughts becoming attached to this situation. What ever emotion and feeling he was or is going to have, he needs to be with it and observe it so that he can go through the process and move onto to living his life. I cautioned him about the need for making decisions from a thought process rather than an emotion.  I reminded him that how he experiences and acts to what has happened is fully within his control. As Gandhi said, “Nobody can hurt me without my permission.”

I think it’s beneficial and important to embrace the emotion(s) that come to the surface when we are dealing with unusual or difficult situations in life. But the key is not to get stuck there with them. Not to become the victim for the rest of his life. Not become a bitter, angry man for the rest of his life. Rather, move on and go back to living life. He is a beautiful and exceptionally talented young man – there is no reason why that act has to taint or hinder him.  We are all given events in our lives that we would never choose to experience or go through. But how we choose to rise to the challenge is totally within our control. There are always options available for any given situation, it’s if we look for those opportunities with open eyes, hearts, and minds that makes the difference.