Archive for April, 2009

Now we will count to twelve and we will all keep still.

For once on the face of the earth, let’s not speak in any language; let’s top for one second, and not move our arms so much.

It would be an exotic moment without rush, without engines; we would all be together in a sudden strangeness.

Fishermen in the cold sea would not harm whales and the man gathering salt would look at his hurt hands.

Those who prepare green wars, wars with gas, wars with fire, victories with no survivors, would put on clean clothes and walk about with their brothers in the shade, doing nothing.

What I want should not be confused with total inactivity. Life is what it is about; I want no truck with death.

If we were not so single-minded about keeping our lives moving, and for once could do nothing, perhaps a huge silence might interrupt this sadness of never understanding ourselves and of threatening ourselves with death. Perhaps the earth can teach us as when everything seems dead and later proves to be alive.

Now I’ll count up to twelve and you keep quiet and I will go away.


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The other day was one of those days I had all sorts of errands and appointments to keep, and time management was of the essence. I had finally gotten my mother in the car, all ready to go – and my car wouldn’t start. Luckily my husband was working somewhat in the area, and said he would come back to the house after he finished up the job he was on. I knew I had a minimum of a 45-minute wait for him. With it being such an effort for my mother to get in and out of the car and the house, we decided to just wait in the car.

With the weather being nice, I got my mother set up with a book to read, and I got my puppy to come keep us company. She was more than happy to curl up in my lap and wait with us. And wait – we did. Almost exactly an hour later my husband pulls up, and rather quickly fixes my car.

In that hour of waiting I experienced a few emotions. The first half-hour went by easily enough. As I stated, the weather was nice, the sun shining, and I was definitely entertained watching the birds do their thing. Then time started moving a little more slowly, and my emotions became impatient. What seemed like another half hour was only 10 minutes. By then I’m thinking about my time and all I had to do. Well, fitting in exercise was out of the question. I had lost that opportunity. I’d start to get frustrated, and realized that certainly did not accomplish anything. I’d start to get mad, and thought “what at the car? Like the car intentionally set out to foil my plans…” And of course the feeling that ‘things never go my way’ came up ~ well, of course that isn’t true.

All the while my mother was fine sitting there reading her book. And Winnie (my puppy) never once questioned why we were sitting in the car. Nope, she was completely happy being curled up in my lap. It didn’t matter the reason. Being a good student of Cesar Millan, I know that dogs feel our energy. And they act according to our emotions.

Today the roles were reversed. Knowing there wasn’t too much I could do about time, I chose to tap into Winnie’s energy. When my thoughts would start to get aggitated, I would refocus on her; feeling her contentness and peace. And I choose not to question the Universe as to why this all happened. There may be a reason, but I really don’t think it matters if I know the answer. Instead, I sat there and was happy to just be.

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I know one of the first topics I wanted to write about is my sister. And I’m hoping that you have someone in your life, whether it be a sibling, friend, relative – someone who you find exceptional comfort in knowing they are there. For you.

I re-joined Jazzercise recently, and have been thoroughly enjoying the exercise, meeting new people, just all of it. My sister joins me occasionally at class, and of course it makes the class that much more enjoyable. Just this week, one of the ladies in class asked me if my sister was going to be coming to class that day. She proceeded to tell me that she loved to watch us together, because it reminded her of her sisters (who have all passed) and of how close they were.  

I won’t even begin to tell some of our stories, because there is no short way to tell 45 years of history. I think about how much she has taught me, supported me, taken care of me, and most of all – never given up on me. It’s no coincidence that she is “the big sister”, and there is no woman who could ever be a better “big sister” than her.

My wish for you is that you have someone (yes, animals do count) that you can be your true self with. That your two souls are joined to some degree that you actually feel through and through that you are not alone.  And San, I dearly love you.

I will leave you with this poem I found, and thought very appropriate. Namaste, Xina

If there’s someone you can talk to,
Someone no one can replace…….
If there’s someone you can laugh with,
Till the tears run down your face……
If there’s someone you can turn to,
When you need a helping hand…..
If there’s someone you can count on,
To advise and understand…….
If there’s someone you can sit with,
And not need to say a word…..
If there’s someone you can trust,
To keep each confidence she’s heard….
If there’s someone you can think more of,
As each year comes to an end~

You’re a very lucky woman,
For you have a Sister!

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