Archive for October, 2009

I really need to listen to myself! I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve said, “I’ll never say ‘never’, again!”

I worked in this one company for about 15-years. I had a two-hour daily commute, on top of a management position. I did take advantage of the opportunities offered in a larger company by working in different departments for the various experiences. Towards the end of my employment there was when I found new teachers and mentors on my personal path. I was building up momentum in manifesting what I wanted in my life. I remember walking along the road beside the Atlantic ocean in Gloucester, MA thinking “I want to own my own store in a beautiful area by the water”. And a little over a year later I made that wish come true.

I remember saying to my friends, and acquaintances in the store, that ‘I would never work in corporate america again!’ I wasn’t saying that I wouldn’t work anywhere else but the store, but rather I didn’t want to be involved in big business politics and schemes.

No matter how or when we say we’ll never do something again, I think we should look at the dynamics of what we’re trying to reject in that comment or situation. Of course there may be the obvious survival reaction, such as I’ll never touch a hot burner again”; and that is not what I’m referring to. To use my example already stated, I was very tired of the wear and tear of the long commute, and from the drama and dynamics of working at a company who had recently merged with another and was getting ready to move even farther away from where I lived.

This morning as I sat reflecting on different issues and decisions I currently have in my life, I found that little thought came up again… I’ll never….  which is what has brought about this musing. There are things that come up and challenge us and our convictions throughout our years here on earth. And in revisiting my declarations of never’s, I find that I did choose to accept a job with a very big company.  In looking at working for a big company again, and comparing it to how I felt a few years ago when I affirmed that I would never work for corporate america. Having recuperated from the commute, from working in that environment, and being in business for myself, I’ve come to a different position. And I am good with my decision. I don’t feel I’ve compromised my feelings, convictions, or beliefs. I just feel that I am at a new place on my journey through life, and I think this new job will be good. Wish me luck!

When time offers us some distance and separation from the original situation, we can learn a lot if we’re thoughtful enough to revisit and evaluate what we said and why we said it.  Namaste~


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Life gives us a lot of opportunities, and recently I’ve been given the opportunity to “practice what I preach”. I’ve been studying metaphysical and holistic techniques for dealing with stress as well as various therapy concepts using color, sound, among other practices for many years now. At the end of September my husband and I found ourselves in the middle of a true “hardship”. As with many adversities it is far-reaching, multi-layered, and and quite invasive to our whole life.  I cried for days, especially as different realizations became apparent. Going to different agencies and institutions for various reasons including help, made me tell my story repeatedly. I didn’t think it would be possible to ever talk about it without different emotions overtaking me. Besides the pain and fear I obviously felt, stress became a prominent force in my body.

Digressing for a moment if I may, to tell my of my journey to where I am now. Around the time my son was born, 24 years ago, I discovered a book by Shirley MacLaine called Out on a Limb that opened my mind. For many years I read on various concepts, ideals, religions, etc. and I even met people along the way that would share their knowledge and wisdom with me and opened my mind even more. But it wasn’t until the very beginning of 2000 that I became physically sick that propelled me to actively seek out ways to truly improve my well-being – not just my physical health, but all of me. During the time I was sick I suffered from anxiety attacks and major stress. Unknowingly, in regaining my sense of self and in taking back control of my own power, I eliminated the anxiety and pretty much all of the stress at that time.

So recently, when I found myself in a situation that I felt I had no control in, along with facing all the problems, those old feeling of anxiety and panic returned. The key difference this time that made the difference between ending up in the hospital in the middle of the night as I had repeatedly done before and totally stopping it, was that I recognized it quickly. I don’t care if you call it recognition, awareness, being in the moment, or anything else, what it amounts to is facing up to the stress. I know all the things stress does to my body, and stress knows all my “weak” areas to instantly go to. But this time, I didn’t allow it. I didn’t allow stress to take over, I didn’t allow myself to become helpless to it. How did I do that? By breathing. I have taught people the key is in breath awareness, and I’ve never been more sure of that then now.

In child-birthing preparation, you’re taught various breathing techniques for the different stages of delivery.  Why then, don’t we use breathing techniques to get through other times of difficulty or pain? It does work. As soon as I realized my chest had gotten tight, my neck and back knotting up, the deep worry, I stopped and took slow deep breaths. I made sure to be more conscious of my breathing to keep it deeper and more relaxed, and then I incorporated my spiritual beliefs and practices.  I intentionally interrupted the physical reactions of stress by deliberately making my body be in a relaxed state by way of breath. Than I gained strength and support through my beliefs. I reached out to friends, to the Universe and God, and rooted myself back into the very things that have meaning and value to me. There are always many things to be grateful for, you are going to see what you choose to see.  I guess I could say I also put the whole picture in perspective.

Yes, the problem is still there. Yes, there is still a lot of work to be done on all that. I will take one step at a time. I will rest and breath when I need to. I will deal with this from a sense of support and trust from All, and not from fear anymore. And I will still be very appreciative for my many blessings.

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