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Archive for the ‘Musings’ Category

Happy New Year!

What will 2019 bring? For one thing, it will bring 365 days of opportunities.  In past years, there were plenty of New Year’s met without any goals or resolutions. I would easily fall back to my old standby “to be a better person than I was the previous year.”   As with many resolutions it was made with good intentions. Even though it was one that didn’t require much effort as I always strive to be a better person every day.

This year… I do have some things on my calendar that I am looking forward to. First being a trip to AZ to celebrate my father’s 90th birthday with him. My son, sister and hopefully my brother and nephew will be there as well. I’m also looking forward to teaching more this year. This past November I held a Reiki I class, I hadn’t taught Reiki in a couple of years and it felt truly wonderful to teach again. And this year I’ll be teaching more classes.

After over 2 years of getting established in the healthcare industry, and finding my niche there, I am now really starting to blend my two worlds.

Pondering a New Year’s resolution, I looked to Wiki where they define resolution as a resolve to change an undesired trait or behavior to accomplish a personal goal or otherwise improve their life.  Hmm, ‘improve life’, that’s good. Let’s look at the synonyms for resolution, and I find the words determination and purpose.  Yes, I like that – what is my purpose for this year.  Working in Hospice, it is easy to see what the purpose should be – to enjoy life!  That sounds kind of flippant, but I genuinely mean it.

But how to do this when you have serious problems and stresses, which are extremely difficult, hard, and overwhelming? It’s easy to say, go take a walk outside and notice the insects and rocks on the ground where your about to step. Look at the sky and the clouds, what do you see in them? Do you recognize any of the birds you see or hear? Feel the winds on your face and smell the air. Where are your thoughts meandering to? For me this is at the top of my list of pure enjoyment – but maybe that does not bring any pleasure to you at all.  And in no way am I offering a Pollyanna opinion.  Another way of looking at this is to look for and recognize these moments and be fully present in these moments.  Maybe better said is to make a priority of finding moments of enjoyment, doing some little things that bring you happiness.

The numerology for 2019 is a 3 year! This triad, the 3 representing beginning, middle and end/father, mother, child/mind, body, spirit, represents creative self-expression, relationships, optimism, and inspiration.

Wishing you much peace and all the best in 2019!

 

“Keeping Quiet” by Pablo Neruda

Now we will count to twelve and we will all keep still.

For once on the face of the earth, let’s not speak in any language; let’s stop for one second, and not move our arms so much.

It would be an exotic moment without rush, without engines; we would all be together in a sudden strangeness.

Fishermen in the cold sea would not harm whales and the man gathering salt would look at his hurt hands.

Those who prepare green wars, wars with gas, wars with fire, victories with no survivors, would put on clean clothes and walk about with their brothers in the shade, doing nothing.

What I want should not be confused with total inactivity. Life is what it is about; I want no truck with death.

If we were not so single-minded about keeping our lives moving, and for once could do nothing, perhaps a huge silence might interrupt this sadness of never understanding ourselves and of threatening ourselves with death. Perhaps the earth can teach us as when everything seems dead and later proves to be alive.

Now I’ll count up to twelve and you keep quiet and I will go away.

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It’s been several months since I’ve written. There were a couple of factors at play that really squelched my writing outlet.  One stumbling block for me was my ego.  I started equating statistics of my newsletter above the whole reason behind my newsletter.  And that reason was to share my journey, my life if you will, with anyone that wants to read.  To share lessons I’m learning, words I’ve read that make me really pause and challenge my thoughts, and to share what inspires me.  So now I’m re-focusing on my initial drive to write – to bring my authentic passion into my writing outlet.

Well, we’re at the onset of spring. Where everything is getting ready to bloom, to start anew.   I have just started a new certification program to become a Hospice and Palliative CNA.  Marvin and I are getting ready to start a list of improvement projects around the house.   And  I’m looking forward to my best friends visit. She will be here for the New Moon Hoop on the 17th!  It seems I have a lot going on this month.

Astrologically, we’ll have two Full Moons this month and Mercury will go retrograde on the 22nd. Meteorologically March has come in like a lion!  I truly feel that the last year or better has had the energy of a lion marching forth.

Wishing you a month springing forth with fresh newness, good health, and a bit of a lion’s strength to support you.

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I have Louise Hay’s Heart Thoughts in my bathroom, and each morning I open to a random page to read and ponder. This morning I opened to the subject Time. She writes:

I am here at the right time.

We are all on an endless journey through eternity and the time we spend on this plane of action is but a brief instant. We choose to come to this planet to learn lessons and to work on our spiritual growth, and to expand our capacity to love. There is no right time and no wrong time to come and go. We always come in the middle of the movie and we leave in the middle of the movie. We leave when our particular task is finished. We come to learn to love ourselves more and to share that love with all those around us. We come to open our hearts on a much deeper level. Our capacity to love is the only thing we take with us when we leave. If you left today, how much would you take?

Sometimes I have felt oddly out of place in my life, and other times I know I’m right where I need to be.  In my young adulthood, I truly felt like I was born too late.  Perhaps the better way to articulate is to say I felt that I should have been born in the 50’s rather than the 60’s. I felt all that happened in the 60’s were definitely the environment I wanted to appreciate and be a part of at a more mature age.

In the 1980’s and 90’s I was quite unsettled and impatient. It was a time of searching – for a different life, for spirituality and knowledge, and in retrospect – searching for my true me.  Then the first dozen or so years of 2000 was so heavy with commitment, change, and some very heavy stuff. All that “stuff” is what has led me to the life I have now.  Sometimes I catch myself going down the ol’ what if road: what if I hadn’t sold the store, what if I had gone to nursing school earlier when the desire first bloomed, what if we hadn’t invested with that particular guy. Chasing my own tail is something I can get stuck doing, if I don’t straighten myself out of it.

So reading Louise Hay’s inner wisdom words on time has been good for me.  This year I find myself in a place I hadn’t previously envisioned. I ended up in a job that although I fervently fought it so much in the beginning, has turned out to be such a blessing.  And of all the jobs in my life, I sincerely feel that I am here at the right time.

Changing subjects now, I know the holidays are not fun or happy or good for a lot of people. I know this time of year can be very depressing or lonely and hard. During these hard times, I hope you find the strength to look back at happy memories, to revisit feeling good especially during this time of year; and to tap into your creative and playful self to build new moments and memories that help you.

I sincerely hope everyone finds opportunities to play this month – after all, isn’t this the month for festivities.  And as always, I wish you much peace and joy this month.

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Granted, I have a different routine this year. My work location is new plus I’m in Opal driving throughout the day, so I’m seeing a lot more of nature during the day than I’m used to. There are three nature activities that have bombarded me this fall – the amount of squirrels, spider webs, and beetles I’m seeing.

The first has been the squirrels. One day I literally lost count of the squirrels in the morning, they were everywhere! I have never, ever seen so many squirrels at one time, multiple squirrels crossing the roads, running up and down the trees, and scrounging the ground for nuts. I see them running across the roads with their cheeks full of nuts every day.  And that is the prevalent detail that I have noticed is that they all seem to be storing up for winter.

The second is all the spider webs. I saw a tree one morning that had so many webs that it looked as if it was decorated for Halloween.  One morning I went to my mailbox to find it completely ensconced with various little webs. I have those big spiders making those huge webs on every corner of my house, garage, and on the trees.  I’m usually very watchful for these webs, but I even walked into a web last night.

And lastly is the beetle, specifically the common black beetle. Seems every time I look down, I see one of these little fellas scurrying about. Every day, for weeks now, I’ve been seeing these beetles at work, at home, and where ever I am during the day. And this is a new one for me, so I’ve had to look it up – and wow!

The basic keynotes for these three are: activity and preparedness, weaving and creating (looking just at the webs), and to keep moving forward. Hmm. I can see where movement is intertwined with each of these, and that the beetle confirms that I am moving in the right direction.  To paraphrase quornesha.com, the beetle represents peace and protection acting as a shield (side note, the Lakota believed that any warrior adorned with spider symbol is invincible to arrows and bullets, that the web allows the arrow to pass through the warrior without doing any damage), and also represents wisdom and being endowed by the Gods to serve those whom will have need of your service. I will definitely be mulling these over some more.

Now we have two more months to this year, to do with as we wish.  The holidays will make quick work of taking up quite a bit of this time. I’m already filling in my calendar with various events. November holds Thanksgiving, the day to count our blessings and give thanks.  As I muse on my many blessings, I think of each of you reading this and am so grateful for having you in my life. Wishing you a beautiful and peaceful month.

 

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Ahhh, fall time is here!  The season of visual change. The season where nature teaches us the beauty and necessity of letting go. The time of year when day and night are in balance, allowing us equal time to be active and to rest. Oh I’m right there with you when you say this is the season to bring out the boots and sweaters and sit back with a big pumpkin spice latte, and it is that too. There is so much going on out there if we watch the animals and the earth.

In preparation to write my newsletter, I often look back at the previous emails for that month. When I looked back at all the emails I wrote for October through the years, I was surprised to see how every October seemed to bring definite change for me.  I’ve had big educational and career changes that seemed to frequently happen in October through the years.  Sort of seems to coincide with the autumn equinox.

This fall is relatively stable for me this year.  But I do recognize the turbulence within nature and the world. No denying very active hurricanes, earth quakes and fires – – encompassing all four elements!  We also have a very unstable social-emotional element going on in our world as well.

Well, now that I’ve written that, I did experience a huge ‘instability’ last month. I woke up one morning with the severest case of vertigo I’ve ever had.  Talk about turbulence in my world! It was so severe that I missed several days of work, went to the hospital (twice), and am now in physical therapy. Who knew there’s physical therapy for vertigo? And on top of that, there are several different types of vertigo! I am now working with a really great physical therapist on the various types of vertigo that plague me. I am much improved in that I can work and go about my day; but no bending over for me!

My dear sweet Boo came to visit last weekend. Thankfully he was very safe and did not have any damage from the hurricane that went through FL. As always, it was so wonderful being with him.

And now we look towards the upcoming fall and holiday seasons.  In all this activity – both outside of us in the world, and within nature and the environment – I hope you do bundle up in your favorite fall clothes, snuggle up to a warm cup of pumpkin spice latte to relax and watch the beautiful activities of nature.  Notice those huge spiders that weave those amazingly big webs overnight.  Watch the flock of geese flying in formation, and wonder at their navigation.  Smell the autumnal air and pick out the pine, sweet grasses, and different woodsy-spicy scents.  And take the time to find the balance in your life, to find the harmony within your own personal world right now.

I leave you with this quote:

Is not this a true autumn day? Just the still melancholy that I love – that makes life and nature harmonise. The birds are consulting about their migrations, the trees are putting on the hectic or the pallid hues of decay, and begin to strew the ground, that one’s very footsteps may not disturb the repose of earth and air, while they give us a scent that is a perfect anodyne to the restless spirit. Delicious autumn! My very soul is wedded to it, and if I were a bird I would fly about the earth seeking the successive autumns.”

Letter to Miss Lewis, Oct. 1, 1841 – George Eliot, George Eliot’s Life, as Related in Her Letters and Journals – Volume 1

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A few of you have reached out to me recently seeking a little help with signs and messages you’re receiving.  Oh how I love helping with this.  A good amount of the signs and messages I get are easily understood, but I still have to work at interpreting some of them.

Growing up I knew I was a sign seeker, although when I was in school I recognized it was an immature method of seeking answers. However I still felt like there was a Universe out there giving me little signs of encouragement, support, and help along the way, and I was ever so attentive trying to figure it all out.  As I learned and grew in life so did my way of picking up and deciphering these messages.

Ted Andrews wrote in Animal-Speak “The true shaman, the true naturalist, works to reconnect conscious human life with Nature and Spirit through totems and ritual. The images of the animals and the expressions of Nature help us to transcend our normal, waking consciousness so that we can more easily attune to the ethereal realms and beings. The first step begins with realizing that all vision and imagery, originating in Nature or the inner mind, has validity on some level.”

I have found that most of the time, we’ve picked up on the sign but are not sure if it is a sign.  And then how to interpret.  To paraphrase an example Ted Andrews gave in workshop I attended, one night you have a dream with a skunk in it, then you’re driving down the road and you smell a skunk, then you go home and turn on the tv and there’s Peppe Le Pew, and a few days later you’re in a store and in with the stuffed animals is a cute little skunk… well how many times do you need to be hit in the head with a 2×4 before you realize skunk is trying to get your attention?

If you’re questioning whether or not an animal or something in nature is a message or sign, then chances are it is. The mere fact that you already are thinking it is indication. Trust yourself! When that dragonfly lights on you and sits with you for a while, you know you are truly communing with nature!

Last weekend on my walk I was surprised by how much white I saw in nature. It was as if there was more white than green outside.  The white mushrooms, dandelion puffs, the clover blooms, flowers, tree bark, fences, clouds, rocks, various moths, a worm, and a couple different dogs. I took notice of what had been on my mind, of my emotions, about my heartfelt reaction to seeing all this white. If you don’t have any books on the various meanings, then you have the world wide web.  But don’t be too quick to look outside of yourself for answers. Always consider what that symbol means to You. Expand your awareness and observations – and then enjoy your connection with nature and spirit!

 

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Oh my gracious, it is July already! This year is more than half over, or if you’re the optimist, then we still have almost a half a year left.  And what a difference a month makes.  I am starting out July with a calmness that I would not have guessed back in June, and I’m starting with a new position with MedStar.

James Freeman Clarke wrote “We are either progressing or retrograding all the while; there is no such thing as remaining stationary in this life.”   I mentioned last month that there were going to be several astrological events in June, with a few planets going direct.  Well, whether the planets going direct had anything to do with my life, or if timing just happened to be coinciding with these events, things in my life have changed.

I was contacted by Hospice House for a position they had available and thought I’d be a good fit.  I interviewed, we talked, and I even worked along with one of their techs for a day.   But I felt like I was stuck in the grove of chasing my tail trying to figure out what I wanted to do.  Basically the old adage of the known chaos being preferred to the unknown…  I talked with Barrie, god she is so great at helping me to stop going in circles and pinpoint what my issues really are.  I am excited to say I will be starting my new position on Monday.

My last day on the floor was yesterday, and as usual it was a hectic, stressful and hard.  The other techs and nurses on the floor all voiced their excitement and encouragement for me, unanimously agreeing they think I will be wonderful in this new position.  Looking back at the first half of the year and all I went through with my career change, I can say for certain that I could not do the job I’m about to do without having had this job first.

Now that I’m getting my head out of my own self-absorbed thoughts, I’m realizing all the changes everyone around me has had this year.  It’s been a dynamic year with some really major things going on for just about everyone.  I think it’s very important to talk to people you trust and respect if you are going through big changes, or find yourself chasing your own tail with things you just can’t figure out.   Equally as important as taking time to be still and present with yourself.

In the very active summer month I hope you’re able to take time out for summer time play, and to sit and simply watch the lighting bugs light up at night.

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